I Don't Love and Accept You!

[Kelly Isola]

I Don't Love and Accept You

Those words are harsh, and yet I have often used them without even knowing it. I certainly don’t do this intentionally. However, whenever I get angry, irritated and impatient it means that somewhere in my consciousness I have decided that the other person has fallen short of who I think they should be. I believe they haven’t acted the way I would like them to, and I am feeling inconvenienced.

What makes these words so hard to hear is that all I ever really wanted – what we ALL want - in life is for someone to love me. Not love me for who I might be, or who I used to be, or love me only when I am easy to love, but rather just love me for who I am. Love me right here and right now. Love my lightness and divinity and love my dark shadow side when I am most afraid.

The irony of my life is that even though this is all I have ever wanted in my life, I have found myself at times not loving and accepting others exactly as they are. I am encouraged time and again to respect everyone’s right to be different and to think differently than me. I frequently hear a plea from a spiritual leader, a book, a song, a friend, a TV show, to really love people exactly as they are. But do I really do this?

It's usually pretty easy to look around and take stock of everyone else not loving and accepting others as they are - most of us have that one handled! I hear it when someone is angry, disappointed, annoyed, frustrated or disillusioned. The words these emotions convey whether literally or figuratively are: “Can't you do that differently,” or “Why do you think that,” or “Why are you feeling that way?” Even harder for me is “I wish you were more (fill in the blank).” Probably the most deadly one is the silence followed by a sigh, with no words uttered. They all convey the same message. All of these are very painful to hear, I know because I have heard them all at various times throughout my life, and I have spoken and thought these things as well.

Then I remember the words Jesus said to Peter in John 21:22. Peter is concerned about the man who would betray Jesus, asking lots of questions and wondering what will happen to him. And Jesus simply asked Peter, “What business is it of yours? Come and follow me!”

For me these words speak directly to the heart of my commitment to live love. What business is it of mine to watch what others are doing? Am I following the way of love? If I am disappointed in you, or not satisfied with you in ANY WAY, then I'm not. And that means I am not accepting you just the way you are. Now don't misunderstand me - that does not mean I have to invite ALL my relatives over for Sunday dinner! :) It simply means I have more work to do in learning how to really love you and accept you.

The principle of acceptance can be one of the toughest for me, but it also carries freedom as I have never experienced before. Everyday when I notice someone being intolerant it is a call for me to pay attention to what I am doing. Whenever I am angry, irritated, impatient, frustrated, or feeling anything related to one of these, essentially what I have decided is that someone is not behaving as I think they should. I am then reminded of the question Jesus posed to Peter, “What business it if of yours? Come and follow me!”

I offer you the same directive... "Come, follow me..." code words to get on with the business of loving.

Blessings!

[Denise]

OMG - You are amazing. I love that passage and I think the words you have expressed are so true for all of us. Why is it that we feel the need to spend so much time in another's business? We tend to put our friends, family and co-workers into a nice little box based on our perception of them - we make judgments, label their behaviors and create an image in our mind of "who" they are - and then, if they don't live up to what we've created, we judge again. How exhausting! Thank you for the reminder to accept people just as they are...here and now in this perfect moment. Oh, what a wonderful world it would be if we stopped "should-ing" on people...
Love you!

[Barbara Hadley]

I'd like to say, "Yeah, but..." or "You don't know this guy ____ who is a control freak!" And that's not loving from me. So I have to agree, there are people I don't accept, I don't love. And maybe that's alright. Maybe the problem is when I keep trying to engage those people in my life. Pehaps someday I can mature to a point where I can accept and love those people. That's my work. Thank you for opening the subject up for me.

[Kelly Isola]

Many people don't like to admit they are not being loving and accepting. In Unity we want very much to believe and know that we acknowledge the Christ in everyone. Hey, I say let's get real. At least for me the truth is that it doesn't happen all the time... and to that I say so what! No shame, no guilt, it's simply what is. It's always alright to acknowledge when we're not being loving, it's a choice point, it's a learning for us, it's the spiritual journey of self-awareness. that's what is referred to as "loving what is." an honest evaluation of this present moment. I believe our job is simply, one day at a time, to love to the best of our ability, some days that looks different than other days.
You go girl, I love you! Thanks for walking this path with me.

[Rev. Carla McClellan]

Thank you Kelly for the reminder of my favorite directive. So often we get caught up in a fog of simply unexamined assumptions but underneath is always the call of the "Christ". The call to forgive, to love, to be peace, to serve. Recently I went through a training to become a Peacemaker and as often happens when we are awake to what is before us, I had opportunities galore to practice. I am so grateful to be connected with so many awake and willing to be courageous individuals as we have in our Unity community. In being willing to be a loving, peaceful presence and to be more interested in that dream than the drama of past stories, I was able to be of support to my husband and his sons at my father-in-law's funeral. That was 10 days ago. Yesterday my step-son suddenly died and I know what is important in life once again very clearly. We are here to be expressions of love for one another as we accept what is right before us. Love is my choice and the directive..."Come.follow me..." leads me to the next step with my heart open. Thanks for allowing me to share.

[Kelly Isola]

Hello my sweetness,
I am so sorry about your stepson. Know that I ma holding you in love and light, your whole family, as you move through these days of uncertainty, sadness, and disbelief. I am so grateful you are in my life, you are a living example of loving what is, some days really well, and other days not as well, and in that you demonstrate that love is the foundation, the path and you walk it very well with me. Thanks!